Ballad of the Chauvanists


Prince, have you heard – that Auntie BBC

has given in to pressure from a set

of female staff who claim they do not get

their workplace due of gender parity,

while male staff earn a higher salary.

The world’s gone mad, and true tradition rocks…

for trousers have replaced those lovely frilly frocks

which stressed a woman’s femininity.


It was Lysistrata in ancient Greece

first set this flame of feminism a-fire,

and with an eye to sex (and men’s desire)

withheld conjugal rights till men made peace.

But Common Sense prevailed and shouted: ‘Cease!

Forget this equal gender bitchin’.

Women, you know your place is in the kitchen.

Go – comb the Golden Fleece.’


Thus chauvinism regained its rightful role,

and though there were a few historic glitches –

when women, for brief periods wore the britches –

most knew their place, and wore a camisole.

The globe regained its axis round each pole,

Men ruled the roost, as God ordained they should,

He, too, was male and clearly understood

The Alpha  functions of the global soul.


But then came Pankhurst – she who led a chase

of suffragettes, all screaming for a say

and for a vote – and Westminster gave way.

The downward slide began in froth and lace…

Wars intervened, and women took the place

of men in factories, and mills, and malls,

where wearing trousers or tough overalls

gave them mobility, but far less grace.


Things went from bad to worse, I must confess.

those suffering suffragettes foundations laid

for Germaine Greer and burn-the-bra brigade.

‘The Female Eunuch’ wowed the gutter press;

The work-place soon was in a nasty mess

with unions and employers in a flap

when forced to bridge the wage and gender gap.

Chic bum-tight jeans replaced the cocktail dress.



And from Lysistrata the world has come full circle

To Margaret Thatcher, May, Angela Merkel…

Chauvinist Tradition, sexist to its core,

has been defeated in the liberal, gender war.

And Prince the fight, begun a century ago,

goes on today. Progress is always slow.